


he wasn't you

by Mangomelions



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bisexual Character, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 21:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mangomelions/pseuds/Mangomelions
Summary: Based on a prompt i found on Tumblr. Phil thinks he's homophobic because he can't stand that Dan is dating another guy. turns out he's just annoyed the other guy isn't him.





	he wasn't you

Dan had a date today, I remembered as he entered my room, holding up two shirts.

"Which?" Dan said, looking absentmindedly in my mirror and fixing his hair.

Something about the thought of Dan going on this date made my stomach feel weird.

"I dunno." I said in a tone that was sharp even to my own ears.

Dan turned to stare at me, frowning. I was never usually sharp with Dan.

"Everything okay?" He asked, concerned.

I liked that even after I was rude to him, his only reaction is kindness.

Because that's how we are with each other. Kind, teasing, but never mean. So why was I being like this? I should be happy, my best friend met a guy he likes, who likes him back enough to go out for dinner. If Dan's happy, I'm happy, that's the way it's always been. So why, now, am I miserable? Why does the image of Dan kissing another guy keep appearing in my head, along with an odd feeling of disgust? It shouldn't, is the answer, so I pretend to be supportive.

"Yeah. Sorry. The, um... left one."

"Thanks," Dan said with a wink and then he was gone.

I hated the time when Dan was away. I hated myself for hating it. I had always thought I was alright with Dan being how he is. I had always supported the LGBT community, I knew there's nothing wrong with loving or being who you want. As long as you aren't hurting anyone. But with Dan it was different. He hadn't been on a date in the entire time I'd known him, and this was the first time I'd actually been confronted by the reality of what him being Bi meant. That he would go on dates with guys, probably kiss them, probably...

I didn't know why the thought bothered me.

Dan came home alone that night, and didn't tell me how it went. I didn't ask. As time went on, we talked less, only about videos and merch, and domestic things like whose turn it was to put the bins out. All of the usual witty banter was gone.

And then in a video we made, Dan made a joke about liking men, and I fell out of character for a minute. I got lost in a little tsunami of emotions, awkwardness, discomfort, and guilt for the previous two. Dan noticed something was up.

"Hey," He said, looking into my eyes, as if he was searching my soul for what was worrying me. A small smile spread across my face. Dan never failed to make me smile. "Wanna take a break?"

I nodded, gladly. I needed a minute to become AmazingPhil again. Currently I was just extremelyshittyPhil.

We walked to the kitchen and Dan poured two glasses of diet coke. He handed one to me, and leaned back against the counter, his eyes watching me thoughtfully. I knew he wanted to talk.

"Phil, are you okay? I mean, are we okay? You've been cold with me ever since I went on that date."

"I'm okay, just, working through some stuff." I said, hoping he could leave it at that.

"What stuff? You know you can tell me anything." There he goes again, being the nicest person on the fucking planet and I'm just here being a dick for no reason.

"It's nothing. I just, I never found out how that date went."

Dan looked puzzled.

"Umm, pretty terrible actually. The guy wasn't as great as I thought."

I exhale a breath I didn't realise I was holding, and then flinch in disgust as I realise I shouldn't be happy about this.

Dan was still watching me curiously.

"Wait, is this why you've been mad at me?" Dan said, his expression changing into one that broke my heart. 

"I went on a date." He said slowly.

He stared at me, as I avoided his eyes.

"With a guy." He added quietly.

I stayed silent.

"But," Dan was searching my face again, but I kept my eyes trained on the floor. "You knew."

"It got real." I said quietly.

Dan's face made me feel cold, a really intense cold, like the sun had just pissed off and abandoned me.

He turned to leave, and that's when I realised.

I don't know what gave it away. How much I hated hurting Dan. How much of myself I felt I was losing by losing him. How the world had seemed to gradually lose its colour as Dan and I had drifted apart. How he could always make me smile and how much it bothered me when he went out with other guys. It all made sense.

"Dan." I said, catching his arm and turning him gently to face me. He didn't resist, only gave me a sad look that said, ' _there's nothing you can say to fix this'_. I proved him wrong.

"It wasn't that you were dating a guy that I didn't like. I didn't like that you weren't dating me."

He looked shocked, frozen for a minute, but his expression softened, and I caught his eyes flicker from my eyes to my mouth.

"It wasn't the guy that I didn't like, it was the fact he wasn't you." 

That was all the encouragement I needed, pulling him closer and pressing our lips together. I felt him melt into the kiss, his arms looping around my neck, fingers running through my hair. I breathed in the scent of him, seeing a rainbow of colours despite having my eyes closed. Feeling warm, as I always did when he was around.

It was long and slow, and I realised how much I had been missing out on. All this time, and the love of my life was right here, I thought. The love? Screw it. I pulled back.

"I...I love you, Dan." I said, staring into his kind brown eyes, which were now impatient in a way I'd never seen before. 

 

"I love you too, you spork." He leaned in to kiss me again, stumbling forward and pinning me against the wall. His kisses made their way slowly towards my ear, where he paused for a moment to whisper.

"Why do you think I waited so long to date anyone?"

I moved slightly to look into his chocolate eyes.

"Does that mean you had given up on me?" I asked, feeling guilty. He had been waiting for me, for years. Although, in that time, I hadn't even considered going out with anyone else. I knew what Dan and I had was special, I just never thought about it like this. In a way, I think I was waiting too.

"My head thought it was the right thing to do. My heart disagreed."

"Does this make me gay?" I asked him, a question which was met with a laugh. I would have been annoyed he was laughing at me if his smile wasn't so damn pretty. _Well_ , I thought to myself, _you're definitely not straight._

"You don't have to pick a label, you know?" Dan kissed my nose sweetly.

Even now, I don't know what my label would be. I mean, I had crushes on girls when I was a kid, but haven't really felt that as an adult. But it's not like I liked guys either. Not in the plural.

Dan was, is, and will always be my person, and I love him more than I had ever thought it possible to love another person.


End file.
